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Coming up next, on American Dressmaker: Brenda’s about halfway done with the wedding dress mockup, but Rob’s sister Christina and her future sister-in-law Monique are coming over tomorrow to shop for fabric in the city, for THE REAL DEAL. Meanwhile, Rob proposes eating leftovers so he can drink beer and contemplate installing the latest version of Textpattern on his laptop, which just might push Brenda TO THE BRINK! Will she fold under the pressure? Find out next, on AMERICAN DRESSMAKER…

Technology is a four-syllable word for “a perplexing collection of items that are horribly complex, yet tightly intertwined and interested in raising this author’s blood pressure to previously unseen heights”.

Well boy, do I feel outta shape. Saturday, at the 168th Street Armory in New York City, Camden High School (Camden, NJ) set a new national scholastic record in the 4×200-meter relay. 1:26.90. These four guys together covered roughly a half-mile in less than a minute and a half. Goddamn, that’s fast.

Don’t you just hate it when corporations barge in on the entertainment industry and spoil all the fun? Polaroid is the latest party pooper, issuing a statement reminding people that they should not, in fact, shake their Polaroid pictures to facilitate the development process. This comes in direct contrast to Outkast singer Andre 3000’s instructions to “shake it like a Polaroid picture” in their smash hit single “Hey Ya!”.

Such a plague, motion pictures.

…is there anybody in there?

This is funny, all by itself. But then when you throw in the fact that I was a huge Dio fan in High School, dutifuly spinning the “Holy Diver” album backwards at the end of the title track so I could hear what I thought was RJD exclaim “I am the crucified”, well, what can I say. I just spent the last ten minutes laughing my ass off.

Regular readers of this site are painfully aware of the woeful performance of New Jersey Transit’s rush-hour rail service. I bitch about it on a fairly regular basis, so much so that it even gets its own category here (Mass Transit Hysteria). Well, here we go again.

Well, what the hell did I know?

Today, Matt Soller-Seitz wrote an article about the Super Bowl. It was funny and sad at the same time.

Folks, I honestly don’t know what to say about this one. This is, without a doubt, the funniest damned picture & article I’ve seen in at least thirteen days. Enjoy.

Last night, I got to use another fun feature of our new TiVo. I got to replay all of the outrageous statements made by President Shrub last night, during his State of the Union Address. Oh, there were the usual mistakes, like calling nuclear weapons “nook-you-luhr” weapons, etc. But my favorite was when he had trouble with the three-syllable word “department” (as in Department of Homeland Security), rolling right over it and blurting out “uh, partment”. Tom Ridge furrowed his brow, understandably so. He thought his office just got relocated to a housing project in the D.C. slums.

He did it again. Every once in a while, my Dad gives me a Christmas gift that is so right, so perfect, so touching. In earlier years, there was a chemistry set. That was perfect and touching for only a little while, but then that was during a period of time when he & I didn’t really mesh well. In retrospect, I had no business owning a chemistry set in the first place. It’s amazing I didn’t blow up the house or melt my own flesh.

A recent comment posted to my blog was so funny I had to share it with “y’all”:

After a lovely weekend at home with Brenda, my Monday morning commute reminded me of how much I hate my commute. It’s not anything that Disney is going to be packaging into a ride, that’s for sure.

“Safari 3000”, starring David Carradine & Stockard Channing; one and a half stars. This is what TiVo thinks I like to watch. Lemme tell ya the plot: “An ex-Hollywood stunt driver enters an African rally with a woman from a magazine as his navigator”.

One of the funniest monologues of the entire “The Office” series is the opening of the final episode of season two, where David Brent likens himself to Jesus Christ. The fact that David would compare himself to the son of god is hysterical enough, sure. But the best bit of that bit is when he talks of his future, where he envisions himself being successful in cities and towns beyond Slough, in the manner that Citizen Dick’s Cliff Poncier thought he was expanding beyond the Seattle scene.

Things are different now.

OK, OK, it’s a bad analogy. So what. Jimmy Doolittle titled his biography “I Could Never be so Lucky Again”, but if he got TiVo he’d have recanted. This thing rocks.

Merry Christmas!